This Lent for me was revelatory... I was being healed of self-righteousness which started very well with Ash Wednesday having chocolate and cappucinos. I definitely felt God's grace rather than being proud of any moral effort on my part at starting a Lentan fast.... it was one of those days that was stressful so fasting went out the window!.
Then the whole of Lent I felt this brokenness and a kind of taunting just like Jesus in the desert, this voice in my head saying that if everything is all about God's grace then why eco-breastfeed?...sure won't God fix it all in the end and give back the years the locusts have eaten just like He had with me? (as I wasn't eco-breastfed and I feel so blessed now because of His Grace.)
Of course I kept going... breastfeeding my daughter as normal and being the best mother I could be each day, failing and succeeding, failing and succeeding... but having this darkness taunting me...
Eventually the first evening of Holy Week it occurred to me to share my thoughts with my husband, knowing intuitively that he would most likely know how to answer me with the truth and he hit it right back at me, just like David slinging the pebble at Goliath's forehead.
"Sure isn't faith without works dead honey?" he said. "That's it, of course!" I said. So Yes it is all about grace, but when you are given the grace to have your ears opened and it dawns on you that eco-breastfeeding is God's amazing, beautiful, awesome plan for mothers and babies and you realise how it affects all of civilisation, then you just go wow! How can you NOT follow His plan?
What kept ringing in my ears Holy Week was
"Blessed are we (eco-bf mothers and all forms akin to that) that hear the Word of God (God's plan for motherhood) and keep it (try by God's grace to be the mother God is calling us to be)"....it is worth all the challenges and ups and downs. May we continue to pray for each other in this adventure of nursing and post-nursing motherhood.
Love in Christ
Judith
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