A Reflection on Mothering and Breastfeeding: Abandoned Dreams? Or Just Better Dreams?
I have been feeling very reflective lately. How about you? There is something about being confined to the house most of the time that makes one ponder life, don’t you think?
Over the years, I have had lots of different dreams. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a ballerina (even though I never did take ballet) or a bagger at the grocery store 😊 Then when I got a little older, I wanted to be a gastroenterologist. My dad was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease when I was 6, and I wanted to fix him. Sadly, he died of another gastrointestinal disease - colon cancer - 7 years ago. Then when I was older, I wanted to be singer, because I liked to sing. As I grew, the dreams continued, but they kept on changing. When I was in high school, I wanted to be a scientist and to work and live on site at a national laboratory. When I got to college, I still wanted to be a scientist - a chemist. I did fine with the book work portion of chemistry and lab work done with a partner, but once I had to work by myself with some huge set up of flasks and Bunsen burners and the risk of starting a fire, I couldn’t do it anymore.
I met my husband in college, and then while completing my college degrees, my dream became marriage and children. While pregnant with my first son, I knew I wanted to breastfeed. However, that first week of breastfeeding was tough! My son was not latching correctly and was losing weight. I was bleeding and in pain due to the incorrect latch. I had never breastfed before and I just wasn’t getting it even though I had read a breastfeeding book and attended childbirth classes. I had a lactation consultant helping, a visiting nurse coming to the house and an LLL Leader helping me. During that emotional, trying week, I was exhausted, feeling pretty depressed, and my only desire and dream was for my son to gain weight and for breastfeeding to go well! I am happy to report that by the end of that week, my son was not losing weight anymore and was gaining and he was latching so much better! My son actually kept gaining and weighed 18 pounds 12 ounces at his four month old checkup! Breastfeeding was wonderful! If your breastfeeding experience is not going well, please send me an email. I would love to try to help you and support you!
As time went on, I felt a pull towards wanting to help other moms with breastfeeding, so I applied to start the leader application process through LLL. As the years went on, I had more babies and breastfeeding helped me continually learn to be a better mom. Breastfeeding also made it easier to go out for the day or to travel, because my milk was always warm and available. I co-slept with my babies, so I didn’t need to get out of bed at night. Plus, by following the Seven Standards of Ecological Breastfeeding, my fertility did not come back for years after each child. This allowed me to give more time to each baby, and I didn’t need to worry about my monthly cycle.
When my oldest got closer to school age, I started thinking about homeschooling which we did start doing. I would just nurse my baby while listening to my children read or while helping them with their math. If we went on a field trip, our nursling just came along with us.
Breastfeeding was such an important part of my life that my new dream was to become a lactation consultant (which I did in 2007). I loved helping moms through LLL and now through CNML!
Now my children are getting older. I no longer have a nursing child in the house. I have a little more time for different interests. Although, my dreams of being a ballerina or a doctor or a scientist have not materialized, my dreams of breastfeeding and helping other women breastfeed, and homeschooling have been realized!
I am still dreaming. Over the last year or two, I have been dreaming of working on another college degree. However, I decided that this is not the right time. It may never be the right time. I am learning to be okay with dreams that are not a right fit for me and my family. I know that if I pursue another college degree, my family and our homeschool with suffer. I need to choose the better dream for me right now.
Maybe you are pondering similar things? What have you been thinking about these last weeks? Any decisions about current or past dreams? Any new dreams?
Over the years, I have had lots of different dreams. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a ballerina (even though I never did take ballet) or a bagger at the grocery store 😊 Then when I got a little older, I wanted to be a gastroenterologist. My dad was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease when I was 6, and I wanted to fix him. Sadly, he died of another gastrointestinal disease - colon cancer - 7 years ago. Then when I was older, I wanted to be singer, because I liked to sing. As I grew, the dreams continued, but they kept on changing. When I was in high school, I wanted to be a scientist and to work and live on site at a national laboratory. When I got to college, I still wanted to be a scientist - a chemist. I did fine with the book work portion of chemistry and lab work done with a partner, but once I had to work by myself with some huge set up of flasks and Bunsen burners and the risk of starting a fire, I couldn’t do it anymore.
I met my husband in college, and then while completing my college degrees, my dream became marriage and children. While pregnant with my first son, I knew I wanted to breastfeed. However, that first week of breastfeeding was tough! My son was not latching correctly and was losing weight. I was bleeding and in pain due to the incorrect latch. I had never breastfed before and I just wasn’t getting it even though I had read a breastfeeding book and attended childbirth classes. I had a lactation consultant helping, a visiting nurse coming to the house and an LLL Leader helping me. During that emotional, trying week, I was exhausted, feeling pretty depressed, and my only desire and dream was for my son to gain weight and for breastfeeding to go well! I am happy to report that by the end of that week, my son was not losing weight anymore and was gaining and he was latching so much better! My son actually kept gaining and weighed 18 pounds 12 ounces at his four month old checkup! Breastfeeding was wonderful! If your breastfeeding experience is not going well, please send me an email. I would love to try to help you and support you!
As time went on, I felt a pull towards wanting to help other moms with breastfeeding, so I applied to start the leader application process through LLL. As the years went on, I had more babies and breastfeeding helped me continually learn to be a better mom. Breastfeeding also made it easier to go out for the day or to travel, because my milk was always warm and available. I co-slept with my babies, so I didn’t need to get out of bed at night. Plus, by following the Seven Standards of Ecological Breastfeeding, my fertility did not come back for years after each child. This allowed me to give more time to each baby, and I didn’t need to worry about my monthly cycle.
When my oldest got closer to school age, I started thinking about homeschooling which we did start doing. I would just nurse my baby while listening to my children read or while helping them with their math. If we went on a field trip, our nursling just came along with us.
Breastfeeding was such an important part of my life that my new dream was to become a lactation consultant (which I did in 2007). I loved helping moms through LLL and now through CNML!
Now my children are getting older. I no longer have a nursing child in the house. I have a little more time for different interests. Although, my dreams of being a ballerina or a doctor or a scientist have not materialized, my dreams of breastfeeding and helping other women breastfeed, and homeschooling have been realized!
I am still dreaming. Over the last year or two, I have been dreaming of working on another college degree. However, I decided that this is not the right time. It may never be the right time. I am learning to be okay with dreams that are not a right fit for me and my family. I know that if I pursue another college degree, my family and our homeschool with suffer. I need to choose the better dream for me right now.
Maybe you are pondering similar things? What have you been thinking about these last weeks? Any decisions about current or past dreams? Any new dreams?
My dream is to have you, Gina,appear on EWTN promoting your CNML ministry!
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