The Importance of a Mother’s Presence and Time

When I first became a mother, I had recently finished a college degree and was still in “school mode” which makes sense because school had played such a large role in the last 16 years of my life.  I came up with a “learning schedule” for myself.  On certain days, I would practice my French and on other days I would study one of my college textbooks or start reading a classic.  Then this extended to house cleaning.  During one of my son’s short 30 minute naps, I would hurry up and clean the bathroom.  On another day, I might vacuum.  I also extended this to my spiritual life.  I decided I should pray this much of a rosary each day, read a certain portion of a spiritual book, listen to Catholic radio, etc. I would get frustrated when my baby needed more attention after I nursed him and changed his diaper.  Instead of enjoying him, I saw him as an obstacle to doing other things.  Thankfully, over the years, I have learned to enjoy the time with my kids, to slow down, and to understand the value, worth and importance of my vocation as a mother.

However, during times of change, I sometimes resort back to seeing my life as a checklist of things to get done instead of a gift of time and being to my family.  This happened when my oldest went to college.  My daughter had already weaned and my years of breastfeeding were over. My daughter was 5 and was pretty independent.  I had a responsible teenager at home who could be in charge if I needed to run a quick errand.  More space in my daily routine opened up.  I honestly did not know what to do with it. I felt guilty for reading a book or watching a family friendly movie in the afternoon before cooking dinner.  I tried cleaning more, but there is only so much cleaning I can take.  Then I realized that my oldest son, although away at college, in some ways needed more of my time than when he was home.  He called often for my support and encouragement.

I am reading a book right now called Margin.  It was written by a Christian physician who realized that margin is just as much of a necessity as rest.  He even went down to only practicing medicine three days a week to make sure he had margin in his life.  Honestly, before reading his book, I would count up the average number of hours it took me for homeschooling and homemaking.  I did not include self care, getting my kids lunch or baking cookies, the spiritual life or relationship or any margins between family activities.  Inevitably, it would not add up to an 8 hour work day.  Even if I look back on my nursing mother days (not the newborn days but when my babies were 4 or 5 months old) and count up all the minutes of nursing and diaper changes, it may still not add up to 8 hours.  However, taking care of a baby still takes all day and part of the night.  It takes a lot of energy and patience, and it is one of the most importance earthly occupations!

Maybe a mother’s time really cannot be compared to the day of someone who works full time outside the home?  Maybe that is like comparing apples and oranges? Maybe relationships, our time with God, and our time for rest and rejuvenation cannot be quantified yet are immensely more important than any items on our to-do list? What are your thoughts?